Why “Believe in Yourself” is Bad Advice(Do This Instead)
Stop Relying on Motivation
You’ve heard the phrase “Believe in yourself” countless times. It sounds uplifting and leaves you feeling motivated. But after a while, that initial spark fades.
You go back to the same cycle of self-doubt, you make the same mistakes, and the same negative thoughts continue to haunt you.
We’ve all been there. The last three months I’ve been reflecting on my life a lot. I’ve learned and unlearned.
One thing that stood out from everything I learned is that you need to believe in yourself to succeed, but that belief is not enough.
You need to know “why” you don’t believe in yourself in the first place.
Why Don’t You Believe in Yourself?
We can all agree that self-doubt is rooted in fear—fear of the unknown and fear of other people’s opinions. It’s okay to be afraid, but again, why are you afraid?
I’ve always been afraid of what people think of me. This has stopped me from doing things I want to do. But after a while, I discovered that my fear didn’t make any sense.
Feeling fear is part of being human. Even celebrities feel fear. Soldiers feel fear. So there’s nothing wrong with being afraid.
The most important thing is taking action. Still, I felt like something was stopping me from taking action.
So I did a lot of mental work to confront my demons and I realised that I was stopping myself. Everything stemmed from my childhood.
Let’s throw things back a little:
I grew up in a very hostile environment. My dad was aggressive at every hour of the day. My stepmom was equally the same. She would shout at you for every little thing. We lost her in 2022 (RIP Aunty Kate).
Long story short, this made me afraid of feedback from the outside world because I felt it would always be negative and someone would shout at me.
Somehow I would predict people’s reactions to be the same as my parents. This made me feel a lot of self-doubt.
It stopped me from taking action. It usually happened unconsciously, but I became aware of my negative thought patterns, and that’s when I was able to deal with it.
Become Self-aware
Self-awareness is the key to Self-belief.
I hate giving advice on self-awareness because I’m still a work in progress. But if you want to stand a chance against self-doubt and “believe in yourself”, you need some levels of self-awareness.
Self-awareness is understanding your emotional state at any point in time. Humans are ruled by emotions. Your emotions impact your actions.
Self-awareness helps you understand how emotions influence your actions.
I realised my fear was rooted in fear of being shouted at. This kept me from taking action on important things. For you, it might come from something else.
Let’s say you want to start posting content online. But you’re afraid of what other people think. You’ll have irrational thoughts like:
What will they think if I post this? I need more equipment. What if people drag me? I’ll start when I’m ready. I’m not good enough .. etc
Ask yourself where do all these thoughts come from? Why are you so afraid?
You have to be aware of your emotional state and manage it effectively. You’re not going to die from posting content online. The awareness of this can help you overcome self-doubt.
So, find out why you’re so afraid. Find out why you don’t believe in yourself and trust me you’ll start defeating self-doubt.
A quick side note: when you get motivated by inspirational speakers telling you to “believe in yourself!”, you also need self-awareness to manage those moments.
It’s like drinking an energy drink. For some time you feel energised, but after a while, the energy fades away. In those moments when you don’t feel motivated you need self-awareness and discipline to carry on.
Takeaway
You can’t believe in yourself just because someone told you to. You need to know yourself as a person. Know your strengths and weaknesses.
You need to understand your emotions. It’s not about feeling good all the time. It’s about managing emotions effectively.
Understand that you’re human and humans experience highs and lows. Accept those emotions, don’t fight them. Take action regardless of how you feel.
Most of our thoughts are irrational. Don’t let negative thoughts stop you. They aren’t real. Confront your doubts.
Next time you hear someone say “Believe in yourself!”, remember, it’s not just about feeling good. It’s about knowing who you are as a person.
It’s about understanding that life will punch you in the face but you have to keep moving. And it’s about not giving a shit what anyone else is thinking because they’re more worried about themselves.
So my dear friend: Believe in yourself! And you shall succeed (**in motivational speaker’s voice**)😏😏
PEACE!
